Shawn Michales(HEARTBREAK KID)

Shawn Michaels Wrestling for My Life Chapter 2: FROM BOTTOM UP: My time to hit rock bottom began on the couch on a Friday evening. Me and my two year old son CAMERON had just finished our weekly pizza and cookies night which both of us loved to do every week. This Friday was another story. I was going through another one of my phases caused by too many pills in the day and I was only half aware of what was going on around me. When he was eating cookies Cameron crawled up on me and said, "DADDYS TIRED." That was the moment I can look back too and realize eventhough I was unaware of it then Cameron had figured out who I was.

After I put Cameron to bed I fell asleep on the couch and sometime later Rebecca helped me to bed. In the middle of the night I woke up and shook her asking this question, "WHO ATE THE COOKIES?" "YOU DID," she answered. Being angry at myself I stormed to the bathroom and asked her the question again and she gave me the same answer. Sobbing uncontrollably I stared at myself in the mirror and thought to myself, "YOURE A PIECE OF TRASH." For the first time reality had set in: MY SON WAS BEGINING TO NOTICE WHO I WAS AND IT WAS GOING TO AFFECT HIM. I WAS IN THE PROCESS OF RUINING NOT JUST MY LIFE BUT MY SONS AS WELL. "LORD PLEASE CHANGE ME", I cried out. I didn't exactly have real communication with God. Infact that night was the first time I ever cried out to him. I had grown up going to church and knew who God is but I didn't know him. What I did know about God was enough to recognize that I was not living the way I was suppose to be. The next morning Kevin Nash called me as he had done the night before because he was concerned about how I sounded. "ARE YOU STILL TAKING PILLS," he asked. "EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE," I answered. There was time when I would take 30-35 pills a day mostly muscle relaxers, to help deal with the pain I had experienced from 15 years of wrestling. I was only taking pills on weekends now and by comparison that seemed like a major accomplishment. But to Nash told me it was still way too much if it happened in front of my family. "YOU HAVE A WIFE AND KID NOW YOU CANT BE DOING THIS ANYMORE," Nash replied The conversation played through my mind the rest of the day the next morning I promised Rebecca again that I was going to stop using drugs for good. She didn't really believe me for she had heard it many times before.
  It was when Rebecca was first expecting Cameron was when I had first sworn that I would stop with the drugs and alcohol. I had told myself," YOURE GOING TO HAVE A CHILD YOU HAVE TO PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER." But I didn't. I honestly don't believe that I was an addict I could have stopped taking pills or getting drunk anytime but I didn't want too. I had made a deal with myself that I would stop when our child was born. But I still didn't stop when the time came because I thought to myself, "HES JUST A BABY! HE ISNT OLD ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT YOURE DOING." I began to believe it was acceptable if I reduced my drug use to only weekends. But I was still doing them and after that night on the couch I began to realize I had come to the point when my son was aware of what was happening whenever I got tired.
  Not long before we were married Rebecca had asked me if I believed in JESUS and I had answered her with, "YES IM CATHOLIC." NOWADAYS SHE BELIEVES THAT WHAT SHE SHOULD HAVE ASKED WAS "DID I ACTUALLY KNOW JESUS." AT THAT TIME I DIDNT

  Growing up I had a mindset that if I did good things and not bad I would be in good shape spiritually as well as physically. I was an obedient kid so whenever my parents would go to church on Sunday mornings or attend mass I would always go with them. I was an altar boy, I did my confessions and my communions I also went to Catholic School up till the fifth grade. Now I know I was only doing them because my folks were doing it. There was never any severe consideration of a relationship with God I thought doing the sacraments was what made you a Christian. Never in the church, at the school, or at home did I hear that to be saved I had to receive Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I had heard of becoming BORN AGAIN but I didn't know what it meant. I never opened a Bible and read where Jesus clearly said YOU MUST BE BORN AGAIN TO ENTER THE KINGDOM OF GOD. I was In mass every sunday I was doing everything I was suppose to inside and outside the church. I was getting into less trouble than all of my siblings. SO AS FAR AS I KNEW I WAS GOOD. I strikes me that even though I had grown up in the church without being aware of what it truly was all those years later it became a magnet drawing me back to where I needed to be. Church became like a fire extinguisher in a hotel lobby:" IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY BREAK GLASS." Im not saying faith is only an emergency option Its much more than that. But I recognized that my life had reached an emergency status. MY SITUATION CALLED FOR BREAKING THAT GLASS. We started going back to my catholic church but Rebecca didn't like it and thought we need to find another church. SHE SUGGESTED CORNERSTON CHURCH.

It wasn't far from our house and Rebecca had seen the pastor, JOHN HAGEE, on television before. I wasn't excited about going to a TV church but it gave me credit for being a supportive husband. SO WE WENT TO CORNERSTONE. After the service I told Rebecca to scratch the church off our list and we went back to my catholic church the next week. AGAIN REBECCA WASNT HAPPY THERE SO WE KEPT LOOKING. Looking for new church, reading the Bible that Rebecca had given me and some other books on fatherhood motivated me to only take pills on Friday nights. Though I still hadn't quit yet but I believed I was taking determined steps in the right direction. One day in April 2002, I was driving around with Cameron in his car seat without realizing where I was, I pulled to a stop in the Cornerstone Church parking lot. "WHAT ARE WE DOING DADDY," Cameron asked. "I DONT KNOW SON. WERE JUST SITTING HERE," I answered. After I finished a phone call I finished my errands and returned home. Rebecca had started taking part in a Bible study which I was fine with despite my shortcomings, because I loved Rebecca more than anyone and I wanted to be a supportive husband. I started to notice the differences in Rebecca, especially how at peace she seemed. Even though she had always said that she loved me and she backed that up consistently, even though I was hard to live with. She didn't start overlooking my taking pills and passing out on the couch; instead it seemed like she had gained a renewed belief in me that I could change and she wouldn't be the one to make it happen. When I told her about parking in the parking lot of Cornerstone for no reason and after what I had seen happen in her life I also needed to find a Bible study that I could belong too. The next day I returned to Cornerstone asked the lady at the front desk at the church office that I was looking for a Bible study. I was to learn later that one of the pastors had heard me from his office and knew who I was. He had thought this was some kind of wrestling story for television. Another pastor did come out of his office and introduced himself as Keith Parker. Then he invited me to his Bible study. He gave me the address and told me to be there at 7:30 the next night.

  When I arrived a little before it started Keith asked me if I was a Christian. "NO BUT I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC." I answered. "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN BORN AGAIN?" he asked " NO I WAS BORN JUST THIS ONE TIME THAT I KNOW OF," I answered " WOULD YOU LIKE TO ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR LORD AND PERSONAL SAVIOR?" Keith asked. I answered him that I would. He then asked me if I knew the sinners prayer. I went through all the Catholic prayers I knew in my head and that one didn't cross my mind. THEN KEITH LEAD ME IN THAT PRAYER AND I WEPT LIKE A BABY. I COULD FEEL WHAT IVE HEARD OTHER DESCRIBE ABOUT WHEN THEY KNOW THEYVE BEEN SAVED. MY BURDENS WERE FALLING OFF AND MY CHAINS WERE BREAKING. UP TO THAT POINT I HAD BEEN FEELING MANY CHANGES TAKING PLACE WITHIN ME. BUT STILL I FELT LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING ELSE MISSING AND I DESPERATELY NEEDED IT BUT COULDNT FIGURE OUT WHAT IT WAS.AFTER SAYING THAT PRAYER I KNEW THAT WHAT HAD BEEN MISSING WAS SALVATION. A FEW WEEKS LATER I WAS BAPTIZED AS A PUBLIC PROCLOMATION THAT I HAD INDEED ACCEPTED JESUS CHRIST AS MY LORD AND SAVIOR. I CAME OUT OF THAT WATER FEELING VERY DIFFERENT ON THE INSIDE. IT WAS A HUMBLING PROCESS FOR ME TO GO THROUGH THIS IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE AND I BELIEVE GOD HONORED MY OBDIENCE TO HIM. IVE WONDERED WHETHER BEING A PUBLIC FIGURE HAD KEPT ME FROM BEING HUMBLE ENOUGH TO TAKE SOME OF THE OBEDIENT STEPS I HAD BEEN NEEDING TO TAKE FOR MANY YEARS.
  After the Bible study I drove home quickly for I couldn't wait to tell Rebecca what had happened. "OH MY GOODNESS, ITS JESUS I MADE HIM MY LORD AND SAVIOR!" I told her as I walked through the doors. With a big smile Rebecca stated that she knew all along that it was Jesus that I need in my life. But I needed to find it myself and She hadnt wanted to push me into it either. Im thankful that I had a wife who was praying for me. Throughout the entire time leading up to that night Rebecca never nagged me. But she hadn't given up on me either despite the circumstances. She had every right to nag me into changing my ways but she didn't. Instead she showed me love and let the transformation in her life be an example, and more importantly she faithfully and persistently prayed for me. I WILL FOREVR BE GRATEFUL FOR REBECCA.

CHAPTER 13: FREEDOM IN FORGIVNESS: I choke when I think about how deep the forgiveness from God is and has been given to me. I was a sinner born into sin and I became someone I know I shouldn't have become. I was raised in a good loving family ALL OF WHOM KNOW THE LORD NOW and I was taught right from wrong. It all started as having fun, like all sin, and before I knew it I was in so deep that I couldn't remember how I got there or how to get out. The truth is I didn't really recognize as sinful. In my mind it was just my life and I wasn't hurting anybody else. Of course I was wrong but that's what I believed. I knew I was hurting myself but since I didn't like myself I didn't care. My wife, parents, family, friends they were also being hurt by what I was doing. I just didn't recognize it. When youre living in a life of sin youre unaware of whats happening around you. They need something to wake them up and mine came that Friday night on the couch when Cameron crawled up on me and said, "DADDYS TIRED." THAT WAS WHEN I REALIZED I WAS NOT JUST HURTING MYSELF BUT I WAS HURTING OTHERS AS WELL. Sometimes I hear that some people reject God because theyre afraid of what they would have to give up. WHEN I REMEMBER MY LIFE BACK THEN WHY WOULD I NOT WANT TO GIVE UP THAT DEATH DEALING WAY OF LIFE FOR THIS NEW LIFE IM LIVING NOW. The freedom that God can provide brings the most liberating feeling a person can experience. MY FREEDOM ALMOST COST ME MY LIFE. I COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE WRESTLERS WHO HAD OVERDOSED IN A LONELY HOTEL. I NEVER APPRECIATED LIFE UNTIL I ACCEPTED JESUS CHRIST AS MY LORD AND SAVIOR. I HAD NEVER UNDERSTOOD THAT THE KEY TO LIVING A LIFE OF FREEDOM IS TO GIVE UP YOUR FREEDOM OF LIVING LIFE YOUR OWN WAY. IVE GIVEN UP SOME OF MY RIGHTS IN THINKING I CAN GO OUT AND DO WHATEVER I WANT. IT TAKES HUMILITY TO SERVE A HOLY GOD AND CHOOSING TO BE OBEDIENT WITHOUT FEELING LIKE YOURE A KID. YOURE REWARDED BY THE FREEDOM OF KNOWING THAT THE GUILT AND SHAME OF WHAT YOU USE TO BE IS GONE. ITS FREEDOM TO REMEMBER THAT NOTHING CAN SEPERATE US FROM THE LOVE OF GOD. ITS NOT A GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD BUT THE FORGIVENESS THAT GOD GIVES MAKES YOU AWARE THAT YOU CANT KEEP LIVING YOUR LIFE THIS WAY. THIS FORGIVENESS CAN ALSO TRANSFORM YOU SO THAT YOU DONT KEEP DOING WHAT YOU DID BEFORE. ETERNITY IS GOING TO BE GREAT AND I LOOK FORWARD TO IT EVERYDAY. BUT CHRISTIANS ALSO FACE PROBLEMS EVERYDAY IN THE HERE AND NOW. WE DO HAVE OUR DIFFICULT TIMES AND WE DO GET HURT. IT PAINS ME TO THINK ABOUT KIDS GETTING CRUELY BEATEN DOWN NONSTOP ALL THE TIME JUST BECAUSE THEYRE SAVED. IVE BEEN THERE TOO AND IVE MADE IT THROUGH BY RELYING ON KNOWING WHO I AM IN CHRIST AND KNOWING WHO HE HAS MADE ME TO BE. Sometimes to help us grow in our faith God choses to be silent for a short time even though to us it may not seem like a short time. When God is silent that doesn't mean he isn't there. He is with us every step of the way making a closer relationship with us by us learning to put our trust completely in him AND I MEAN COMPLETELY. Trials, tribulations and tests are only for a season. They never have the final say. Not even death has the final say. Im not afraid to die but I don't want to die yet. I love being with my wife and I enjoy watching my kids grow. BUT WHEN I DO DIE I KNOW WHERE ILL BE SPENDING ETERNITY When I returned to wrestling I was a changed man with a new way of thinking and I went into a world where Jesus was on the bottom of the list of thoughts. I never walked through the curtain on the way to the ring without first praying to God and asking him what I could do to glorify him. As a way of shining my light in the darkness I would also pray in the arena or the stadium. I didn't have a standard prayer but it was often based on,"LORD HELP ME." ALL I WANTED WAS FOR GOD TO HELP ME BE A GOOD WITNESS ON THE PLATFORM WHICH HE HAD ALLOWED ME TO RETURN TOO. WHEN I ENTERED THE LOCKER ROOM THERE WAS NO ARROGANT DECLARATIONS OR CHALLENGES WHICH IS WHAT I USE TO DO.INSTEAD I WANTED THE OTHER GUYS TO SEE A HUMBLE MAN WHOS CHANGED LIFE BOLDLY DECLARED, "FOLLOW CHRIST!" Compared to whats most important in life wrestling looks so silly to me. YET GOD TOOK THIS WRETCH OF A MAN, GIFTED BUT BEATEN, FORGAVE ME OF MY SINS, BROUGHT ME BACK TO WRESTLING AND LIFTED ME HIGHER THAN I THOUGHT WAS POSSIBLE. ALL GLORY IS GODS!

Joe Laurinaitis(ROAD WARRIOR ANIMAL)

ROAD WARRIORS DANGER DEATH AND THE RUSH OF WRESTLING Chapter 19: SPIRITUAL REBIRTH AND THE END OF AN ERA: When I was trying to pick up the pieces of my dying career I had a down morale, a bad mood, and my temper was being tested. I knew in my heart and mind that I needed something to help anchor me. I couldn't quite put my finger on it until a sign was put into my hand. After doing a film shot in Albuqergue I ran into Nikita Koloff. He had semiretired from wrestling in the 90s and became an ordained pastor. During the week he would wrestle and on weekends he would preach. He had given me a copy of his autobiography BREAKING THE CHAINS which he told about his issues as a young man and when he found JESUS CHRIST his whole life changed. I had never really looked at the book before but this time I read it from cover to cover, in my hotel room, and it made a huge impression on me. After that I tried to work through everything I had read and known about CHRISTIANITY. I knew a lot of other wrestlers had used the religion to get a second chance with the wrestling executives after they had made a mess of themselves but then theyd just turn it around and do it again. I DIDNT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT. FOR ME TO GIVE MY HEART UP TO SOMETHING IT HAD TO APPEAL TO ME. A few days later Julie picked me up from the airport I told her about Nikitas book and that maybe there was something more to this spirituality thing. Thinking that a good work out would clear my mind I asked her to drop me off at the gym. When I went for a drink of water five of the biggest guys Id ever seen were staring right at me. It was the Christian group THE POWER TEAM. Big Russ, one of the members and former Hells Angels member from Texas, asked me the question," HEY ANIMAL DO YOU HAVE JESUS IN YOUR LIFE?" I answered by staring at him blankly and stating, "BRO, I DONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON." It was true whatever was rolling in my head lately I couldn't figure it out. Then THE POWER TEAM invited me to their event in town at the LIVING WORD CHRISTIAN CENTER. WITH AN OPENED MIND I ACCEPTED AND TOOK MY WHOLE FAMILY WITH ME. Sitting in the front row of this 10,000 seat facility we watched all of theyre typical strong man exhibtions. LOOKING BACK ALL OF IT WAS GOD KNOCKING AT MY DOOR. The moment of truth came when they did what the CHRISTIAN FAITH call the alter call. An alter call is when a preacher invites you to come up infront of everyone and invite the Lord as your savior. When you respond to an alter call it means you have decided to ask yourself, "DO I REALLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD?" YOU ADMIT THAT YOURE A SINNER AND SAY A PRAYER OF REPENTANCE. I was having an internal struggle at this point DO I GO? DO I GO? Im convinced the Holy Spirit worked through my boy JAMES because he took me by the hand and said, "DADDY LETS GO." SO WE WENT UP AND ACCEPTED JESUS CHRIST INTO OUR LIVES.THAT WAS A MIRACLE. Julie had been raised Presbyterian and I was raised Catholic but we never really knew what it meant to have a real relationship with God. BY BECOMING BORN AGAIN WE WERE ABLE TO KNOW WHAT IT REALLY IS. Today I travel telling people about what God has done in my life and I know that he is with me as I fly through the airways and when Im bringing his grace into the Devils neighborhood. GOD HAS HIS HAND ON ME ALL ALONG. I have lived a crazy life but after giving me an opportunity to have my name on every television network over the years, God turned my life around so that I may glorify his name. I HAVE HIM TO THANK FOR EVERYTHING ESPECIALLY FOR LEADING ME AND MY FAMILY TO THE LIVING WORD THAT NIGHT. About a year after we all got saved Hawk called said we were going to do a show in June. "I CANT, BRO" I had answered, " IM MEETING WITH NIKITA AND TED DIBIASE(MILLION DOLLAR MAN) IN PHEONIX FOR THE ATHLETES IN MINISTRY CONFERENCE." Being familiar with my faith and having much respect for it Hawk said he would call me right back. A minute or two later he did call back and asked if he and his wife could come too. I was surprised at Hawks request but I quickly said it was ok with me. When I arrived with everyone in my family (except for Joey who was fighting in Iraq)Hawk was the first one to greet us and he was so excited to be there. Many of the other wrestlers were there too such as: STING, TERRY TAYLOR, AND SHAWN MICHAELS WHO WERE ALL NEW BROTHERS IN CHRIST. IT WAS LIKE A BIG FAMILY AND INFRONT OF THAT FAMILY MY FAMILY AND I WERE BAPTIZED BY NIKITA KOLOFF RIGHT THERE IN THE CONGREGATION WADING POOL. YOU KNOW THERE WAS A TIME WHEN BELIEVERS WERE CLOSET CHRISTIANS BUT THOSE TIMES ARE OVER. Later when it was time for the alter call I got the surprise of my life when Hawk and Shawn Michaels hugged eachother and went out front to accept Christ. They use to hate eachother and Seeing those two crying in eachothers arms like babies was one of the most touching and enduring moments between two people I have ever seen in my life. THIS WAS LONG OVERDUE FOR HAWK I COULD SEE PERSONAL HEAVY BURDENS LIFT RIGHT OFF HIS SHOULDERS. When Hawk gave his life to Christ there was change in him. He was back to the true partner I knew from the early days and his lifestyle was much cleaner. When we talked on the phone he would end with, "HEY JOE I LOVE YOU MAN." Hawk really did become a much more lovable guy and even more so a dependable ROAD WARRIOR. Hawk and I really thought we were climbing back on top of our game together in the ring. Our timing was right on and the fans were making us feel like old friends. Things were really starting to look up and then they came crashing down again. Late in the day of October 19,2003 the phone rang and the voice on the other end said, "HEY ANIMAL DID YOU HEAR HAWK DIED LAST NIGHT?" I didn't really believe it. I didn't want too. When I could finally think straight I called his wife, Dale. She and Hawk had been moving boxes the day before so that they could move into their new condo in Indian Rocks Beach, Florida. When they went to bed everything seemed fine but Hawk never woke up in the morning. HE DIED OF HEART FAILURE IN HIS SLEEP. When I hung up the phone I told my family the news and we hugged and prayed together. After 46 years of living as well as 20 years of being the most imposing and comedic character in professional wrestling, MICHAEL HEGSTRAND AKA HAWK, my dear brother and partner found eternal peace. THE MIGHTY HAWK HAD MADE HIS LAST FLIGHT. His tombstone says," HERE LIES HAWK. HE DID EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING DID HIM IN."

Terry Bollea (HULK HOGAN)

Hulk Hogan OUTSIDE THE RING Chapter2 FINDING FAITH: I had gone to BALLAST BAPTIST CHURCH off and on since I was in first grade. The church was on the corner of the elementary school and my parents would sometimes bring me there on sundays. Church never had much of an impact on my life as a kid. We would go on sundays, come home, and never talk about God or faith the entire week. My parents said that going to church for an hour every week was enough. ALL OF THAT CHANGED WHEN I WAS 15. I don't remember if I was still playing football or if it was after I had quit but it was after practice that the Satterwhite brothers finally convinced me to come with them to the CHRISTIAN YOUTH RANCH. They had tried to get me to go ever since junior high. Knowing that I had a love for music they finally got me to go when they told me the youth band needed someone to play the guitar. SO I WENT AND ALL THE KIDS SANG ALONG IT WAS A REAL PEACEFUL ENVIRONMENT. The meetings were every week either on Mondays or Tuesdays but there was nothing else for me to do so I kept going. In between the songs I would listen to the lessons of REV HANK LINDSTROM especially JOHN 3:16 the one verse that REV. LINDSTROM would beat into everybodys head every week. Growing up I had always believed there was something more to us than just the body. Other kids would say things like "OH MAN I DONT EVER WANT TO DIE" and I remember saying "IM NOT AFRAID TO DIE BECAUSE I THINK IM GOING TO HEAVEN." I never understood the whole thing about believing but I just had a feeling there was a God. Whether its ALLAH or the HIGHER SELF every religion has a name for what they believe to be the higher spirit, energy, or being. BUT GOD MADE SENSE TO ME FOR SOME REASON. As a kid I also had my own source or reasoning, "IF IM GOOD ILL GET GOOD GRADES IF IM A GOOD PERSON THEN ILL GET INTO HEAVEN." I thought of it like being on Santas checklist. When I met Hank Lindstrom that reasoning stopped. He said to me, "YOU KNOW WHAT MAN? YOU CANT GET INTO HEAVEN THAT WAY." "WHAT DO YOU MEAN?" I asked " YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT WERE ALL SINNERS YOU KNOW? AND THAT GOD GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON HE SACRIFICED HIS SON TO PAY FOR YOUR SINS." for some reason I took a real interest in what he was saying and I kept asking him to read me different passages from the BIBLE. What They all seemed to say is that you don't necessarily have to do good YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE. After what happened to my brother ALAN I definitely wanted to go down the right path and do the right thing I didn't quite agree that you could just go out and murder people and then all of a sudden, "OH I BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST," and all will be forgiven then you will walk through the pearly gates of Heaven when you have died. To me it felt like acknowledging everything I already knew that everything wasn't just surface level or materialistic. THERE WAS SOMETHING MORE. WHAY DID I BELIEVE IN GOD? Maybe I was just too scared not to: I don't want to say I don't believe in God cause oh my God what will happen then? All I know is that I could tell the difference between my body and what I felt in my spirit. If you believe in your spirit than you believe in JOHN 3:16 which is the foundation of being a Christian and what I believe in and then youre not afraid to die anymore. And when youre not afraid to die than youre not afraid to live. I didn't completely understand the power of it at that time but I did feel something shift in my life at that point. I followed that feeling knowing that I had been saved and that I would have eternal life when my body no longer had life in it. That Christian youth ranch really helped lay the foundation of strength and resolve I would need to accomplish everything in my life and that foundation certainly helped me get through the rough times that were to come many years later. I remember maybe 5or6 weeks after these things had happened and I had first raised my hand , to accept Christ ,with the other kids I had said to myself," I THINK CHRIST DID DIE ON THE CROSS FOR OUR SINS." Being saved is not some big evangelical moment, its not some over the top thing, its not joining some sort of cult or something. Its just accepting what it means to be a Christian. I continued going to that youth ranch every week through the rest of high school. Over the years Rev Lindstrom and I have kept in tough and his teachings remain in my mind today even when I spend my sundays in the ring instead of in a pew.

CHAPTER 18 SECRET REVEALED: After Linda filed for divorce I felt like I was bouncing around in a pinball machine for a couple of weeks. Sometimes Id run into someone who wanted to talk with me and Id just unload on them about everything that was wrong with my life. Public appearances were very hard for me too. To be mobbed by fans who wanted to see HULKAMANIA MADNESS and pose for pictures with me flexing my muscles was nearly impossible for me.
 At the end of the month I flew to Texas for a appearance and when I flew back I started my whole WOE IS ME routine with the guy the sitting next to me. I went on and on about all the misery in my life, MY WIFE FILING FOR DIVORCE, MY SON FACING CRIMINAL CHARGES EVENTHOUGH HES BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH ALREADY WITH BEST FRIEND BEING IN THE HOSPITAL,AND MY BACK HURTS SO BAD THAT MY LEGS START TO GO NUMB IF I SIT TOO LONG,NOT TO MENTION MY FEET START SWELLING EVERYTIME I GET ON A PLANE. I JUST KEPT COMPLAINING ON AND ON.
All of a sudden someone tapped my shoulder. I turned and I saw this dark-skinned woman sitting behind me with the most peaceful face. She said to me, "YOU SHOULD READ THIS" and she handed me a copy of THE SECRET by Rhonda Byrne. It was book who became a giant bestseller and was featured on OPRAH. There are also spoofs of it and whole groups who think its a bunch of mumbo jumbo so they do all they can to hate it. But I had never heard of it when she handed it to me. "IF YOU READ IT IT MAY HELP YOU." she said. The guy next to me was getting tired of my complaining anyway so I thought WHAT THE HECK. When I opened it up it hit me like a lightening bolt about how much I saw myself in it. I GET CHILLS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. Since Im a fast reader I read the book as fast as I could just taking in its revelations about the "law of attraction" the idea that were personally responsible for everything that happens in our lives. To get a better handle on the whole idea I went back to the beginning and began to read again- this whole idea that what you think about you bring about. That your thoughts conscious or unconscious dictate the reality of your life. This idea seemed to trace back to when I was 15 when I was reading the Bible there was a certain phrase I had read "ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE" WAS GOD REALLY SAYING THAT EVERYTHING WE EVER WANTED OR NEEDED WAS THERE FOR THE ASKING? ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS ASK? WAS THIS BOOK REALLY SAYING THAT I COULD CHANGE MY LIFESTYLE IF I CHANGED MY WAY OF THINKING? Before I was done the airplane landed in the airport at Tampa. I wanted to get all the way through it again so I just kept reading. When the lady who gave it to me started to leave she said I could keep it. I thanked her and when I took it home I read it again and again that night. I wish I could have found that woman to thank for what she had done for me from giving me the book because that moment marked the start of whole new journey in life. I journey that would lift me off the treadmill of misery that I had been on far too long. The funny thing is I started this journey much earlier without even knowing it-in those moments when I started praying for happiness, when I had a gun in my hand wandering if life was still worth living, and when I backed away from Linda the day before Christmas. Unfortunately I would have to go a lot further down this path before I would understand what any of it meant. Im not a philosopher or a preacher so all I can tell you is how THE SECRET and all these other books I started to read at the beginning of 2008 helped me change my life for the better. In the beginning of 2008 I devoured book after book and reread those books over and over. I also bought the DVD film version of THE SECRET and watched it again and again. I loved seeing these spiritual leaders and life coaches come to life on the screen. People like MICHAEL BECKWITH and JAMES ARTHUR RAY. I got so obsessed I started to put the DVD on repeat on the DVD player in my black Mercedes so every time I got in the car it would play on the pop up TV screen on the dashboard. The more I read and the more I listened the more I started to connect the dots in my life going all the way back to my childhood. I had pulled out a Bible again. I thought about what it meant to walk in the spirit of Christ. I thought about the teaching of REV LINDSTROM at the CHRISTIAN YOUTH CAMP. I thought about the old moral code I use to live by- that simple code of wanting to be good and not bad. I started to change my opinion on every single thing that had ever happened in my life. RIGHT THEN AND THERE ALMOST OVERNIGHT. For far too long my thought had been consumed with the problems of my marriage, the pain in my body, the horror of Nicks accident and, Johns condition. ALL I HAD THOUGHT ABOUT WERE THE PROBLEMS IN MY LIFE. MAYBE I HAVE BEEN HIT IN THE HEAD TOO MANY TIMES BUT IM TELLING YOU AS SOON AS I STARTED PAYING ATTENTION TO THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AS SOON AS I STARTED NOT PRAYING TO BE HAPPY, BUT BELIEVEING THAT I COULD BE HAPPY AGAIN, HAPPINESS STARTED TO FIND ME.

Steve Borden (STING)

STING MOMENT OF TRUTH CHAPTER 14 "The Turn": As my brother Jeff continued to grow in the Lord I watched him closely. When he first got saved our relationship became awkward and sometimes he made me mad. But the more I watched, I began to realize what he had I didn't. I really had not spent much time recognizing the supernatural power of God in any part of my life, but it was there quietly tugging at me, turning me to face my creator in a way I never had before.

Then other wrestlers began to tell me about the truth they knew about God. When I was hanging out with this one guy he told me a what if story which he had heard from his pastor. He said, "IMAGINE YOU ARE FLYING IN A JUMBO JET AND THEN IT STARTS FALLING TO THE EARTH. WHAT WOULD YOU DO?." Most people would say that they would confess their sins and ask God for forgiveness so that they will be ready for eternity. Then another question comes, "WHAT IF THE PILOT SUDDENLY WAS ABLE TO GET CONTROL OF THE PLANE AND LAND SAFELY. WOULD YOU REMEMBER YOUR PROMISE TO GOD? OR WOULD YOU GO BACK TO YOUR OLD WAYS?. When he asked that I told him I had heard enough of it.

God planted another seed in me when I read Ted Dibiases(THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN) book EVERY MAN HAS HIS PRICE. Ted had recounted his journey from wrestlers bad boy to his new life in Christ. I could identify with this story. I am so grateful that God was going to do everything to break me so he could make me new.

  Another time I was walking through a hotel lobby after a big WCW event when this really big guy a couple of his buddies stopped me. He said his name was Simeon Nicks and that he was a friend of Ted Dibiase and also the worship leader at Bell Shoals Baptist Church. He had heard that I had been going to church a little bit lately and he asked, "STING WE WOULD YOU MIND IF WE PRAY WITH YOU" There were standing in a hotel with people everywhere and I was sweating bullets. My mind wasn't really into the prayer that was made but on the elevator doors. I also kept wandering what if Rick Flair or any of the other guys think if they saw this. I also thought to myself, " Im going to punch Ted in the mouth next time I see him." When the prayer was over I scurried right to the elevator. As I did this Simeon called," HEY STING IF THE PLANE GOES DOWN WHERE WILL YOU SPEND ETERNITY?" This time I couldn't shake off the wondering WHAT IF THE PLANE GOES DOWN? Is that all there is or is the message of Christ real? What is God trying to tell me?

On a trip home to California Sue(his wife at the time) and I went with Jeff and his family to a church where Jeff was a elder. When the pastor invited people to receive Christ at the end of the service I got all emotional and both Sue and I raised our hands in acceptance. When we walked out of the church nothing really had changed. When we returned to Atlanta I began think that if I was to get my life together we would need some different influences. It was obvious that Jeff and his family had something we didn't. I figured if we could be near my family who knew the lord maybe it could start rubbing off on Sue and me. I was out of control and desperate for a change. Sue and I moved our family back to California which Sue had been wanting to do for years but I wouldn't allow it. I just couldn't see us raising a family there. I promised again that I would be a better husband because of the influence of my brother and the rest of the family.

Soon after we moved back to California we saw how happy and obedient Jeffs kids were so we asked Jeff what his secret was to raising such great kids. Jeff and his wife taught a parenting class called GROWING KIDS GODS WAY. Jeff offered to give us a class once a week at his house. It became a guideline for Sue and me for raising our kids and we saw immediate results. We were the kind of people who might see the right thing to do in raising our kids but we took none of it in when it came our own lives. About a year later I went with Jeff, my Dad, and my other brother, Mark, to a Promise Keepers event in Los Angeles. I had never seen so many people who were singing together and talking about faith, priorities, and family. It really got under my skin. I had not really been paying attention to my relationship with Sue and there were so many things I had been doing that she didn't know about. The guilt was unbearable. Again I went down to the front to receive Jesus. Something in me had not clicked the first time and I still felt I was not there as far as the Lord was concerned. I kept thinking to myself that it would stick this time. The whole family was freaking out about me going out front to receive Jesus. But my superstar life was no different. The next Monday I was back in Atlanta on Nitro with 20 million people watching.

Chapter 15 MOMENT OF TRUTH: Over the next year God continued to work on me through Jeff, Ted Dibiase, and many others. They were also the biggest times in my career. The truth of the matter is I was more trying to deal with God then give my life to him. My sin made me sick but its not enough to know that sin is wrong; God wants to teach us how to hate sin. Like he does. Our sin sent his son to die in our place. I would die for my kids. I cant imagine the pain of a parent who loses their child- but somehow in Gods plan that is what he did for me. God gave up his only son to pay for the wrong things that I had done. As that truth sunk in I realized that not only did I want to go to Heaven and not Hell but I needed to feel the sorrow that comes from knowing what my sin had done to Jesus.

Soon after we first moved to California we went on a rare family vacation to Hawaii. For the first time ever Sue went through my luggage and she found a large bottle of prescription drugs. I had denied her questions about using drugs before. I had told her that I was having insomnia and she bought me herbal tea and other methods that were suppose to help me sleep. She didn't know anything about me depending on drugs or even alcohol so I could sleep. I was motivated to bring the bottle on the trip by the thought of going for a week without any artificial help. She was shocked and hurt when she found them but now Im glad she did. This was on the first day of the trip and Sue and I barely spoke to each other during the rest of it. My stupidity had created a cold distance between us. I made Sue give me back the bottle and it was empty by the end of the trip. Shortly after we got home the boys were playing in the back yard and Sue and I were alone in the house. Sue confronted me by saying, " You lied to me about the prescription drugs. Is there anything else you have kept a secret from me?" This moment was arranged by God himself. Every MOMENT OF TRUTH takes a different shape for everyone. For me it was admitting that I had betrayed my wife and family for all those years when I was trying to make it big, and when I did my sin kept on going. There was no gratefulness in my heart it was all about what I wanted not what God wanted. "yes" I had answered my wife with. That caused the floodgate of repentance to open that God had been waiting for- being truly sorry for my sin and truly believing that God will save me from all unrighteousness. The truth really does set you free. Suddenly the weight of the world was off my shoulders. I told Sue about my dark past and it filled me with hope with the realization that my sins were forgiven. It was like I had driven a dagger in my wifes heart. She had gotten answers to questions that she had been afraid to ask and I begged her to forgive me.

  Many times during this process the devil kept accusing me of the sins of which I had been forgiven. Discouraging new believers is one of satans big tactics. He wants us to believe that weve done too many bad things that God could never forgive us. But the people God had put in my life reminded me that God was trustworthy and that when he says he forgives us we are forgiven. He means it. Theyre gone. The revelations of that day were Sues worst fears about our relationship and that I had been living a double life for so long. But God had put a fresh love in my heart for Sue and I was willing to do anything to be a husband and father honoring God and win back the family I had treated with such disregard.

The renewal in our relationship did not happen over night. Sue was very hurt and justifiably so. I had believed that God would wave his magic wand and everything would be perfect. But instead my confession created a whirlwind in my home which could only be repaired through the miracle of Gods grace. I begged her to let me stay but Sue shut me out of the house. She actually let me back in the house that first night for the sake of the kids. From that act of grace on her part we began to rebuild our relationship brick by brick and God began his work in healing it. That painful day with all its regret on my part was the step that started Sue on her journey to forgiveness and the full establishment of our marriage on the absolute truth of God and full disclosure.

Not only did I have to face my wife and deal with my sin but I also felt the definite prompting of God to tell the guys at WCW what had happened and that I had become fully devoted follower of Christ. These guys had known me for many years and they clearly understood the dark side of my life. Now I had to tell them what Jesus had done for me and that I was a changed man. I went to guys individually and in small groups. Most of them said they understood and wished me well but others didn't get it at all. They thought I had become a religious nut case. Gods plan is always perfect and he knew that what I needed most was time with Sue and my family. I also needed to develop a whole new circle of relationships with people who believe the Bible is the Word of God and who live by its standards. He had given me a real desire to know his word and share my faith.

CELEBRITY TESTIMONY 13 Jeff Fenholt (Jesus Christ Superstar and Black Sabbath)

Jeff Fenholt FROM DARKNESS TO LIGHT Chapter 5: REVIVED REDEEMED RESTORED

One day I came home from Europe as I my limousine was pulling in my driveway my driver started laughing. "Whats so funny." I asked. He answered with, "Remember how your wife was saying she wanted to remodel a wing on the estate? Well look at the pick up trucks over there with Jesus stickers on them. Reenis having a revival. So I got out of the car and went into the house, Im going to tell these bunch of sissies off. As I walked in I pushed the open door and started yelling, "Reeni, we need to get rid of these guys." "Go ahead," she answered. I was actually afraid to enter the part of the house where the men were working. So I went and got drunk and stayed away for the rest of the day.

The next day I woke up at noon and went downstairs to face these guys. I imagined that these Christian carpenters were wearing darling little elf outfits and tapping away with their hammers like the seven dwarfs. Instead when I pushed the door open I was astonished ten bulky men with ripped off t shirts and tattoos. Some of then had long hair. Their was also one with a beard down his chest. "My God", I blurted out. " You guys aren't Christians youre too ugly." " Yeah we are Christians," they answered," Some of us have only been saved for a few weeks but we love the Lord Jesus Christ. We were drug addicts living on the streets of New York. Then Nick Disipio came and witnessed to us. He laid hands on us in Jesus name and we were delivered. Now were working in his construction company. We're earning money to buy a big ranch so those that have been delivered from drugs will have a place to live till we hit the streets again for the glory of God." I thought these guys were nuts. How come these roughneck dudes are allowed to be in Jesus? I had never heard of such a thing. So I decided not to talk to them but to this, Nick Disipio the head contractor. Nick Disipio was a fat little man about 5'8" and weighing 250 pounds. His hair was also greased back and had a very strong Italian accent. As it turned out Nick Disipio was a former Mafia member.

  " I want to talk to you," I said. He walked toward me, jabbed his finger in my face, and said, "No I want to talk to you. Youre some big rock star; you played the part of Jesus Christ Superstar. Now are you ready to meet the real Jesus Christ?" " No," I said. "You've got a lot of nerve coming in here trying to talk to me, Bozo. Nobody asked you noting about Jesus Christ. Get out of my face." The Disipio motioned to his crew asking them to come over here and pray for me. I got back at him with," Don't pray for me. Pray for your mama. You know who your mama is shes a whore!" Nick was obviously wearing the full armor of God because he did not flinch. You have to know that I was heavily possessed by demons. For a skinny little 128 pound rock and roller to yell in the face of an ex mafia construction worker, calling his mother a whore, is sure sign that something wasn't right. After that I spit at Nick and told that my limousine driver had a .38 caliber revolver and I would have him kill anyone who touched me. Since they were on my property I had the right to do that. At the top of his lungs Nick yelled, "Go get your limousine driver." "Yeah" I said, " You want to see Uncle Knuckles and his revolver?" "Yes", said Nick," Go get him and tell him come in here. If he can get past the blood of Jesus Christ, you tell Uncle Knuckles to be my guest. Bring him in and we'll pray for him too." NICK HAD NO FEAR. I had realized that nothing intimidated these guys. I ran out of the room and locked myself in my bedroom. I got on my knees and started shaking. Man I need drugs I thought. I got up and went to the bathroom. As I was taking the drugs out of the medicine cabinet a voice spoke to me. At that point in knew I was right in the middle of spiritual warfare. I believed it was the Lord speaking to me saying, "Go ahead you do need drugs." Startled I put the pills back eventhough I thought that was what I needed. When I look back I realize that the voice was a demon who was trying to finish me off. I was so confused and in such a panic I didn't know who was talking to me. I didn't know the difference between Satans voice and Gods voice. I only knew that I was desperate. Then I thought, I need some whiskey. Ive got to go downstairs and get some. I need something bad. Im hearing voices Im paranoid. Im having panic attacks continuously. I need to be drunk or in bed with another girl, constantly doing something to occupy my mind. If I ever let down for even a minute Ill freak out. If I got on a rocket ship and went to the moon Id still be paranoid. Theres no place to run no place to hide. Im in for the ride. And then I silently screamed from the depths of my soul, "I need something!" After three hours with wrestling with the holy spirit I finally decided to go downstairs and let them pray for me. When I made that decision a voice spoke to me from the depths of hell. A spirit that had been tormenting me for years said to me, " Those are not Christians. You've been in the occult and the devil knows youre about to reach out to God, so satan has sent his men there. I am God and I warn you they have been sent from a satanic church. They don't know where there from. Your wife doesn't really know who they are. Do they look like Christians to you? They have been sent to ask you if you want to receive Jesus as Lord and if you say yes they will kill on the spot. Because you played the part of Jesus the devil does not want to let you go." Talk about being paranoid! All I knew was I was at the end of my rope. I could see that the long wide road I had been following had split in two leading in two different directions. One lead to Heaven the other to Hell. It was time to make a decision. Eventhough I didn't know how to pray I knelt down and cried," GOD WHOEVER YOU ARE TRUE GOD, IM SPEAKING TO YOU NOW. IF THESE MEN ARE SATANISTS AND I GO DOWNSTAIRS AND THEY KILL ME TODAY, THEN WHEN I COME BEFORE YOU I WANT TO REMEMBER THAT I DIED LOOKING FOR YOU." I stood up, locked the door of my bedroom and started down the hall and down the back staircase. As I moved along I felt every muscle in my body become rigid. It seemed like I needed a pill or a drink to take the edge off my nerves. But I refused to give in; I just kept walking. When I approached the door to the back wing of the house I took a deep breath. I thought ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS DOOR IS EITHER LIFE OR DEATH. Then I opened the door When I came in all the men stopped their work and started staring at me. Nick walked up close and said, "PRAISE GOD!" As I looked at him I thought to myself about outsmarting them. I remembered what that voice had told about them being Satanists so I told Nick, "Im not into Jesus and I don't want to be. But of you guys want to pray for me then go ahead. Lets see who your God is. In my heart I was speaking these words: JESUS, IF YOU ARE REAL, HELP ME. Those guys came at me like stampeding buffalos. They laid hands on me and began to pray. "I BIND YOU SATAN IN THE NAME OF JESUS" they said. As they spoke a feeling of terror came upon me. I started to scream and I tried to run. As I turned around a big dude grabbed me and put me in a stronghold. Then he said, "YOU AINT GOING NOWHERE FELLA PRAISE THE LORD! JESUS CHRIST!" That's the last thing I remember The next thing I knew I was down on my knees full of Hell but then I stood up clear minded and washed in the blood of Jesus. I looked up at these men and said, "My God! something has left me something has happened." "How do you feel now," asked Nick. I said that it felt like my back had opened up and an anvil had been lifted out off the inside of my spine. I stared at those men and I began to jump up and down leaping for joy. I began giggling like a school girl. I asked Nick," What has happened? What did you do!" NIck answered, "WE PRAYED FOR YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS AND HE HAS DELIVERED YOU BY HIS PRECIOUS BLOOD. HE HAS SAVED YOU FROM ALL THAT GARBAGE YOUVE BEEN INTO." " If this is Jesus," I answered, " I want him right now! What do I do? I want Jesus! I want more." "PRAY WITH US, " the men said, "AND RECEIEVE JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR." I got on my knees and prayed the sinners prayer: " FATHER I COME TO YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS. I AM A SINNER. DEAR JESUS THANK YOU FOR DELIVERING ME. THANK YOU FOR SETTING ME FREE. WASH ME IN YOUR PRECIOUS BLOOD. HEAL ME AND CLEAN ME UP. MAKE ME A NEW PERSON. LORD, ILL SERVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER I BELONG TO FATHER, SON, AND THE HOLY GHOST NOW AND FOREVER. JESUS I PRAISE YOU! JESUS, JESUS, JESUS. When I finished with AMEN. Everyone said , "AMEN." It was bringing me joy and peace and power. My mind felt so strong and so clear. I knew that I would never see drugs or alcohol again as long as I served the LORD JESUS CHRIST. I WAS FREE! I WAS FREE INDEED!

CELEBRITY TESTIMONY 12 MICKEY ROONEY

Mickey Rooney LIFE IS TOO SHORT CHAPTER 32 Barbara: Dr Buckley was one of the wisest most compassionate men in the world but he had chosen an indirect way to tell me this awful news. He had just walked into my room, greeted me and my visitors, and then the phone rang. "WHAT! WHAT! BOTH DEAD? BOTH OF THEM?" I heard him say. He finished with "I UNDERSTAND!" and then he hung up. He looked at me sadly as he told me that my fifth wife, Barbara, had been murdered and the man who shot her had also been shot to death in the struggle. I wanted to know about my kids. Once I knew they were alright I began to sob as much in relief for my kids as in my grief for Barbara's death. I asked my friend ,Red Barry, to bring my kids to me. "Oh poor Barabara" and then "My poor babies", I would keep saying. I died too that day in Dr Buckleys arms. It seemed like a steel band had been wrapped around my chest and I didn't take a full breath for 3 years. The preacher who did the funeral was the same one who had made my marriage legal to Barbara in 1960 and had baptized all four of our kids. The body of the murderer was shipped back to his mother in Belgrade. For days I was close to a catatonic state but I was aware enough to care about my kids. When I got out of the hospital I rented a small room in Beverly Hills and gathered in it with all my kids. I stayed close to them until 10 days after Barbara died my attorney, Dermot Long, called and told me that my mother had died. Ever since my life started falling apart she had been drinking. Not long after my friend, Fred Pankey, had also drunk himself to death in a cheap hotel on Sepulveda Boulevard. "Ahh God," I prayed, "when will the sorrow end?" I would learn that it would only end when I stopped running away from God. I had been running from him for days in the ways of a labyrinthine and he still kept following me. And I still didn't know what he was doing or where I was. MICKEY ROONEY LIFE IS TOO SHORT CHAPTER 33 VISIONS: I had many more set backs in the next dozen years but I would survive them as I do the ones nowadays with the help of a faith I had almost forgotten. I got added help from a visitation. It came at an unlikely place: the coffee shop of a casino on the shores of lake Tahoe. I was a last minute fill- in for Judy Garland who was too sick to make it. I was having breakfast at Harrahs with a few friends. We were half-listening to a lot of aimless talk when a busboy came up behind me and whispered my name. I started to get out of my chair thinking someone was paging me on the phone. The busboy leaned over, put his lips to my ear, and said, "MR ROONEY JESUS CHRIST LOVES YOU VERY MUCH." For a minute I couldn't quite believe what I had heard. I turned to look at him. He was wearing a white jacket, had blond curls, a white rose complexion, and shining teeth. He smiled at me and then disappeared into the kitchen. I finished my breakfast then I walked over to the hostess. "I would like to talk to that busboy who was working at our table." I said casually "Which busboy are you talking about?" she asked. "The one with the light blond curls. Sort of surrounds his head like a helmet." I said. She answered with, "WE DONT HAVE A BUSBOY WITH BLOND HAIR." " But I was just talking to him?" I asked impatiently "You can go back into kitchen and look", she offered. When I went back there I saw no boy with hair like a- a halo. Then my flesh started crawling and my hair stood up on my arms. I KNEW I HAD BEEN VISITED BY AN ANGEL. "GOD", I said, "WHO AM I THAT YOU SHOULD SEND ME AN ANGEL? I WHO HAVE BEEN PAYING SO LITTLE ATTENTION?" When my sixth marriage fell apart Barbaras parents started taking care of my kids. I saw them every now and then but I couldn't really be a father to them. I was still addicted to barbiturates and it seemed like no one could do anything for me. I would have been the first one to sign up for Betty Ford clinic if it had existed then. Then quite unconsciously Judy Garland helped with an object lesson of her own. On this particular day in 1967 I kept phoning Judy but was getting no answer either at four in the morning or after noon. I had a hunch Id better go by and see if she was alright. Judy and I were like brother and sister and that kind of relationship sometimes has that sixth sense about each other. I called Dr Buckley asking him to meet me at Judys place. "Something tells me she needs help," I said. When we got there we found the front door locked. We crawled over a wall and found the back door locked as well. Just like in the movies I put a handkerchief around my hand and punched in a window pane. We found Judy naked and unconscious facedown on the pillow. After feeling her pulse Dr Buckley said she was alive and he phoned for an ambulance. "Mickey help me find what shes on." he said. We searched the house and after looking through the likeliest places I found a cache of pills at the bottom of one of Judys boots. After cracking the pill and tasting it Dr Buckley said that it was Percodan As we dressed Judy Buckely explained to me that Percodan was powerful enough to haul a Steinway over the Andes Mountains. This view of Judy and of myself pushed me to an utter cry of the heart. In answer to those prayers Jeri Greene appeared on my doorstep. She made a start by consulting a movie producer and mutual friend named Leo Popkin. The two of them decided they needed to find a specialist for me. I remember Jerri driving me down from my house in Coldwater Canyon one winter morning to where Leo was waiting for us. We waited in my car while Leo talked with another man. Finally he came to my side of the car and said, "DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL?" "Yes I do," I answered, " I don't want to live like this anymore." Two days later I was on the plane to San Francisco with Jeri. She helped check me into a hospital under an assumed name. I was going to get well. It wasn't easy. Doctors didn't really understand addictions as well as they do now. They didn't have all the support groups they do today meetings like Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12 step programs. These doctors took a very basic common sense approach: "YOU DONT WANT TO BE A DRUG ADDICT? WELL THEN FIRST OF ALL YOU HAVE TO STOP TAKING DRUGS." The doctors kept me in bed and made sure I was eating right. They also gave me back rubs. Besides that they really didn't know what to do. Then one night I made my own breakthrough. I looked to a power higher than myself. "FATHER," I prayed. "COME INTO MY HEART. I HAVE SINNED. I CANNOT MAKE IT WITHOUT YOU. PLEASE HELP ME! PLEASE HELP! He did help. From that day on I was a well man. I didn't pass from sick to well in one day. I spent the next 10 years working my way from sick to being completely healed. But that prayer marked a turning point for me.

Celebrity Testimony 11 Phil Robertson (Duck Commander)

P Phil Robertson HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY:

Chapter 5 WHOS A MAN: After I gave up football at Louisiana Tech I started running with a pretty rough crowd. It was during the 1960's when people my age questioned everything about the government and society in general. The Vietnam war was raging I wasn't sure why brother Si had been sent to Southeast Asia to fight in some country we had never heard of. We had parties and everybody got drunk except for Kay who wanted nothing to do with all that nonsense. It went on from when I was 21 or 22 until I was about 28. We got drunk on anything we could get our hands on running wild and duck hunting. It wasn't just beer and whiskey either. It was the 1960s so usually there was a little Marijuana around. We never bought any but wed smoke it if it was available. So between the whiskey, diet pills, and different kinds of medicinal speed we were staying pretty messed up. As far as alcohol it was mostly whiskey beer and wine. Throw in a little Marijuana and pep pills and that was the drug scene as far as I was concerned. I never got any of the serious stuff like LSD or heroin; sticking a needle in my arm was insanity to me. This went on for about 7 or 8 years. I was trying to become an 18th century man who relied on hunting and fishing to make a living. But I lived in the 20th and everything was changing around me. Hunting and fishing was no longer a way to provide food for my family it was competition between me and my buddies and all the rules had been thrown out the window. We were romping stomping and getting drunk. Shooting to many ducks and catching to many fish. We were outlaws. It was all about who could kill the most ducks and catch the most fish.
 We didn't care about anything else. It was a riotous time. By then I had a growing family at my home. Jason and Willie had been born and Kay was at the end of her rope with me. I would go out partying with my buddies and leave Kay alone to raise our children. I was becoming more and more distant from everything I had known and been taught and pulling even farther away from those who loved me the most. Kay felt her entire life was in ruins and that she had failed as a wife. After a while even the school where I had been a teacher and a coach could no longer ignore my public behavior. Students and their parents were making complaints about me being boorish. Sadly my life continued to spiral out of control like a downed duck from the sky.

Chapter 6 HONKY TONK: Before the school board could fire me I resigned my teaching position then I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I rented a Honky-Tonk in the middle of nowhere. where I was the manager, bartender and cook. Occasionally I would have to break up a fight. Kay would often bring one of her great meals but what  I mostly served was fried chicken boiled eggs and pickled pigs feet. Though most us that were usually there, including me, were only there to drink as much beer and whiskey as we could. The bar was a long one story wood building unpainted and yellow.
 Kay and our three sons had moved out to the middle of nowhere with me and our trailer home was roughly attached to the bar making the whole complex look like a regular U shape. That certainly wasn't the proper place to raise my boys. Kay got a job as a barmaid to make sure I stayed out of trouble. Kay never was much of a drinker after she had seen what it had done to her mother but on most nights she was right there with me watching me slowly drink away our lives.

When my parents and brothers and sisters heard about what was happening to me my sister Jan drove out to the bar bringing with her William Smith one of the preachers at Whites Ferry Road Church in West Monroe, Louisiana. Because she lived close by Jan knew more than anyone in my family that I had strayed from the Lord. She was determined to save me and asked Bill to help her. When they walked into the bar I was sitting at my desk with a quart beer bottle in my hand.
"You some kind of preacher?" I asked him. When Smith told me he was I added with, " You ever been drunk?" "I use to drink a few beers" he answered. I got back at him with,"Than whats the difference between you and me? You've been drunk and Im getting drunk right now. There aint a dime difference between you and me Jack. You aint putting any Bible on me. That's the ways I was born."
 At the same time Jan was in the barroom handing out religious tracts. The customers were doing their usual cussing and carrying on as well as getting drunk. She was having an argument with one of the guys when I stepped in to figure out what was going on. "Hey! Hey! Hey",I said then they turned around and looked at me. "This is my sister, I said to them,"Shes handing out religious tracts. Let her hand them out and anyone who messes with her will deal with me." "This is your sister?" one of them asked. "Yes. Shes going to do whatever she does here", I answered, "Leave her alone." Jan went on handing out religious tracts until she had given everyone one.
 I went back to Smith and demanded that he leave. Although Smiths visit had not convinced me, Kay later began to study the Bible with him. She knew our marriage and lives were rapidly deteriorating. A few months later I hit what I believe was rock bottom. The couple that owned the bar came in and told me that my rent was going to be raised. So I decided to hightail it out of the place before the last two months of my rent were over. We started arguing and I threw them both across the bar injuring them pretty badly. By the time the fight was over there were four police cars out front. I went out the back door and jumped in my truck before the police could arrest me.

Before I left I told Kay, "I'm going to the swamps or somewhere. Youre not going to see me in a few months." I had left Kay to clean up my mess. The police had a warrant for my arrest but Kay persuaded them to drop the charges. The plea bargain came with a heavy price the bar owners took all the money we had made while operating the Honky-Tonk. Eventhough Kay paid off the owners I didn't know if there were still arrest warrants out for me. The bar owners had a restraining order against me so I couldn't go anywhere near them. Kay moved our trailer to a spot beside lake D'Arbonne at Farmville Louisiana as we had discussed during a phone conversation. For about the next year I somehow endured though our was marriage under tremendous strain. The incident at the bar didn't keep me from romping, stomping, and ripping with my drinking buddies Kay always had hope that I would change my ways and if we moved to a new location and met new people things would get better. But they never did; things only got worse. One rainy night Kay came home late from work and I accused her of cheating on me which I knew she would never do. It was a life changing event for Kay and she knows the details of the incident and what had happened afterwards better than I do.

KAYS WORDS: Our first year at Louisiana Tech was when Phils problems first began. He was playing football but he had a wife and a baby. It was a lot of grown up responsibility for an 18 year old and he wasn't ready for it. All the time he saw his teammates go out and party and he wanted to go too. I believe that's why he so easily got into the wrong group he wanted to be like the single guys who had all the freedom. Since we married so young he never really experienced the single life. I wanted to go party with him but Alan was only a baby and I couldn't leave him. It just didn't seem right. I never liked drunkenness. I didn't believe it was wrong to have a drink but I didn't like the way it looked.
 When Phil rented the bar people couldn't believe that I went out and stayed with him. I was working as a barmaid and I was respected by everyone. They would tell others, "Don't talk ugly to her. Shes a nice lady even if she doesn't drink." The fact that they were protective of me was surprising. They would always ask why I was in the bar if I didn't drink but when I decided to stay with Phil and remain faithful to him, I felt it was my job to protect him. If I was there he wouldn't get in as much trouble as he would if I wasn't. The year after the bar fight was the worse time of my life. Phil was working offshore and drinking more than ever before. One night when I came home he accused me of having an affair which was stupid. I had never done that and it wasn't because Phils friends werent hitting on me. I just wasn't that kind of person. I always told him, " If I leave you Ill divorce and find someone else if I wanted too. But I would never cheat on you." Ive always thought of myself as a good person. I don't know if it was by personality but Ive always been very serving.
 During Phils troubles I was focusing on the faith my grandmother had instilled in me. I then realized I had to find my own faith. Phil was cursing me and calling me every ugly name possible. For the first time in my life I felt hopeless. No one can live without hope.
 My whole life I wanted to be the best wife and mother I could. I never asked for anything except to have a good loving home for the boys. When Phil accused me of running out on him that was rock bottom for me. I went to the bathroom and cried. For the first time in my life this was a problem I couldn't fix. I had suicidal thoughts as well I just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. I don't know if I would have actually gone through with it but I wanted Phil to suffer for what he was doing to me. But as I sat there I heard the sound of the boys shoes running down the hall. 9 year Alan 5 year old Jason and 3 year old Willie. Alan knocked on the door and said, "Mama don't cry. Gods going to take care of us. We'll all be alright. One day daddy will stop drinking." I will never forget what he said. Then it was as if a light had gone off in my mind. Thought, " What am I thinking? Ive got three little boys I cant leave them with a drunk." In his condition there was no way Phil could take care of those boys. I started praying to God to bring me peace. Things were not going right and I had three boys to take care of. The next day I started watching LET THE BIBLE SPEAK on TV hosted by Bill Smith. The same preacher Jan brought into the bar. What he was saying were things I needed to hear what and I wanted in my life. He was speaking about obtaining peace and hope so I called the screen number set an appointment. The next day I went to Whites Ferry Road Church. One of the first things Bill asked was, "When you die do you think you'll go to Heaven?" I told him, "I sure do. Let me tell you what Ive been living with." I went into how bad Phil was even though I had been a faithful and loving wife to him. Bill then asked me if I believed I had earned my way to heaven I said that I did. Then he asked me if there was peace or hope in my life. That was my problem. I felt some sort of disconnect because I believed I had earned my way to heaven but there wasn't any peace or hope in my life. Smith shared the gospel with me and I became convinced that my good works couldnt save me. I was a good person but I didn't have Jesus. It wasn't enough. Smith said if I wanted to I could walk out the door with Jesus Christ in my life. I repented and made him the Lord of my life then I was baptized. The best thing Smith said that day was when I got home Phil would be as drunk as usual and still act terrible. But that I would be different because I had Gods spirit living in me. He told me to think about the wonderful life I would have in Heaven when things were bad here on earth. I left his office beginning to develop my own faith as a Christian. I went home and was able to tolerate Phils behavior because I knew God would help me through this. While Phil was drinking and staying out all night I was working at the Howards Brothers Discount Store in West Monroe I again came home late from work one night and again Phil accused me of having an affair. This time he stared at me and said, "You make me sick. Living with you was bad enough before but now youre a holy roller." Then he called me a Bible thumper and goody-two shoes Then he said, " You think youre an angel. I want you to take these three boys and leave." He knew nothing would separate me from my sons. "Are we messing up your bachelor life?", I asked. When he told me yes there was nothing else to do but leave. Our boys began to cry as we left because they loved their father even though he was drunk. The boys and I moved into a low rent apartment and White Ferrys Road Church gave us money for rent and furniture. We stayed away from Phil for three months. We were hiding from him actually. I put everything under my maiden name so he wouldn't be able to find us. One day when I got back to work after having lunch with a girlfriend I saw Phils truck in the parking lot. His head was lying on the steering wheel so I figured he had passed out drunk after driving here. I told a friend to watch by the window and to call the police if Phil was flashing a gun. I didn't want Phil following me into my office and hurting anybody either. I walked up to Phils truck and opened the door. When I saw his face there were big tears streaming down. I had never seen him cry before. He said,"I cant eat I cant sleep I cant do anything. I want my family back." He told me that his drinking and partying days were over. I had heard that before several times but I felt Gods courage inside me and said, " Phil you cant do it yourself. You just cant." Phil told me he needed help and he asked where he could find it. "Theres only one person who can help you," I told him "God?" he asked When I told him yes he answered with "I don't know how to find him." Phil had gone to church and sunday school as a boy but he had been away from God for a long time. I told Phil to be back at my office at 5:30 for did know someone who could help him I called Bill Smith the preacher and told him to be at my apartment at 5:45 "Let me check my calendar." he said Then I said to him, "Whats more important then a lost soul coming back to the Lord? If you have anything else cancel it." "Nothing is more important than a lost soul" ,he said. Smith and his wife met Phil and me at our apartment. The first thing Phil said was, "I don't trust you." Smith said that he could understand why. "Considering those people you've been running around with I wouldn't trust anyone either" ,he stated. "But do you trust this?",he asked holding up his Bible. Phil answered with, "I do trust this book but everything you say Im going to check out. I don't take mans word for anything." While I was in the back room with the boys Phil and Smith studied the Bible for several hours. When they were finished Phil said he was going to check out everything they had discussed and were going to meet again the next day. Phil then moved into our apartment. The next day me and the boys went to the grocery store and when we got home we found a note from Phil telling us to come to Whites Ferry Road Church. When we got there Phil was in the baptistery waiting. Smith had taken Phils repentance and was now going to baptize him. I saw the boys crying. Alan looked up and said, " The devil is gone now." Phil was 28 and our lives were beginning again.

BACK TO PHIL: When I make a decision Im in entirely and theres no second guessing. After I was baptized I went to regular church services three times a week(twice on Sunday). I also studied the Bible with a group or someone five times a week. I went back to teaching and working for the Ouachita Christian School. To get back on my feet spiritually I felt like I needed to spend more time with Christian people. I did it for about two years. Since everything was in Kays maiden name my old friends couldn't find me. After about 3 or 4 months they finally tracked me down, I told them never to come back. This was five years after I got saved and my sinful ways finally stopped. Although I was healing spiritually and my wife and kids trusted me again there still seemed to be something missing. Its funny how things work sometimes. Hunting and fishing had become a training ground for what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Even at my lowest point when I was romping stomping and ripping. I spent as much time as I could doing it. It was in my blood. When I was partying and we would go from the beer joint to the woods or lakes and back. Yet out of all my sinful ways I gained experience for duck hunting and catching fish as well as my dream to build my own duck calls. Even as I sank deeper into that lifestyle and as my values and sense of worth were severely battered there was a core of resilience in me that kept me going.