We didn't care about anything else. It was a riotous time. By then I had a growing family at my home. Jason and Willie had been born and Kay was at the end of her rope with me. I would go out partying with my buddies and leave Kay alone to raise our children. I was becoming more and more distant from everything I had known and been taught and pulling even farther away from those who loved me the most. Kay felt her entire life was in ruins and that she had failed as a wife. After a while even the school where I had been a teacher and a coach could no longer ignore my public behavior. Students and their parents were making complaints about me being boorish. Sadly my life continued to spiral out of control like a downed duck from the sky.
Chapter 6 HONKY TONK: Before the school board could fire me I resigned my teaching position then I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I rented a Honky-Tonk in the middle of nowhere. where I was the manager, bartender and cook. Occasionally I would have to break up a fight. Kay would often bring one of her great meals but what I mostly served was fried chicken boiled eggs and pickled pigs feet. Though most us that were usually there, including me, were only there to drink as much beer and whiskey as we could. The bar was a long one story wood building unpainted and yellow.
Kay and our three sons had moved out to the middle of nowhere with me and our trailer home was roughly attached to the bar making the whole complex look like a regular U shape. That certainly wasn't the proper place to raise my boys. Kay got a job as a barmaid to make sure I stayed out of trouble. Kay never was much of a drinker after she had seen what it had done to her mother but on most nights she was right there with me watching me slowly drink away our lives.
When my parents and brothers and sisters heard about what was happening to me my sister Jan drove out to the bar bringing with her William Smith one of the preachers at Whites Ferry Road Church in West Monroe, Louisiana. Because she lived close by Jan knew more than anyone in my family that I had strayed from the Lord. She was determined to save me and asked Bill to help her. When they walked into the bar I was sitting at my desk with a quart beer bottle in my hand.
"You some kind of preacher?" I asked him. When Smith told me he was I added with, " You ever been drunk?" "I use to drink a few beers" he answered. I got back at him with,"Than whats the difference between you and me? You've been drunk and Im getting drunk right now. There aint a dime difference between you and me Jack. You aint putting any Bible on me. That's the ways I was born."
At the same time Jan was in the barroom handing out religious tracts. The customers were doing their usual cussing and carrying on as well as getting drunk. She was having an argument with one of the guys when I stepped in to figure out what was going on. "Hey! Hey! Hey",I said then they turned around and looked at me. "This is my sister, I said to them,"Shes handing out religious tracts. Let her hand them out and anyone who messes with her will deal with me." "This is your sister?" one of them asked. "Yes. Shes going to do whatever she does here", I answered, "Leave her alone." Jan went on handing out religious tracts until she had given everyone one.
I went back to Smith and demanded that he leave. Although Smiths visit had not convinced me, Kay later began to study the Bible with him. She knew our marriage and lives were rapidly deteriorating. A few months later I hit what I believe was rock bottom. The couple that owned the bar came in and told me that my rent was going to be raised. So I decided to hightail it out of the place before the last two months of my rent were over. We started arguing and I threw them both across the bar injuring them pretty badly. By the time the fight was over there were four police cars out front. I went out the back door and jumped in my truck before the police could arrest me.
Before I left I told Kay, "I'm going to the swamps or somewhere. Youre not going to see me in a few months." I had left Kay to clean up my mess. The police had a warrant for my arrest but Kay persuaded them to drop the charges. The plea bargain came with a heavy price the bar owners took all the money we had made while operating the Honky-Tonk. Eventhough Kay paid off the owners I didn't know if there were still arrest warrants out for me. The bar owners had a restraining order against me so I couldn't go anywhere near them. Kay moved our trailer to a spot beside lake D'Arbonne at Farmville Louisiana as we had discussed during a phone conversation. For about the next year I somehow endured though our was marriage under tremendous strain. The incident at the bar didn't keep me from romping, stomping, and ripping with my drinking buddies Kay always had hope that I would change my ways and if we moved to a new location and met new people things would get better. But they never did; things only got worse. One rainy night Kay came home late from work and I accused her of cheating on me which I knew she would never do. It was a life changing event for Kay and she knows the details of the incident and what had happened afterwards better than I do.
KAYS WORDS: Our first year at Louisiana Tech was when Phils problems first began. He was playing football but he had a wife and a baby. It was a lot of grown up responsibility for an 18 year old and he wasn't ready for it. All the time he saw his teammates go out and party and he wanted to go too. I believe that's why he so easily got into the wrong group he wanted to be like the single guys who had all the freedom. Since we married so young he never really experienced the single life. I wanted to go party with him but Alan was only a baby and I couldn't leave him. It just didn't seem right. I never liked drunkenness. I didn't believe it was wrong to have a drink but I didn't like the way it looked.
When Phil rented the bar people couldn't believe that I went out and stayed with him. I was working as a barmaid and I was respected by everyone. They would tell others, "Don't talk ugly to her. Shes a nice lady even if she doesn't drink." The fact that they were protective of me was surprising. They would always ask why I was in the bar if I didn't drink but when I decided to stay with Phil and remain faithful to him, I felt it was my job to protect him. If I was there he wouldn't get in as much trouble as he would if I wasn't. The year after the bar fight was the worse time of my life. Phil was working offshore and drinking more than ever before. One night when I came home he accused me of having an affair which was stupid. I had never done that and it wasn't because Phils friends werent hitting on me. I just wasn't that kind of person. I always told him, " If I leave you Ill divorce and find someone else if I wanted too. But I would never cheat on you." Ive always thought of myself as a good person. I don't know if it was by personality but Ive always been very serving.
During Phils troubles I was focusing on the faith my grandmother had instilled in me. I then realized I had to find my own faith. Phil was cursing me and calling me every ugly name possible. For the first time in my life I felt hopeless. No one can live without hope.
My whole life I wanted to be the best wife and mother I could. I never asked for anything except to have a good loving home for the boys. When Phil accused me of running out on him that was rock bottom for me. I went to the bathroom and cried. For the first time in my life this was a problem I couldn't fix. I had suicidal thoughts as well I just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up. I don't know if I would have actually gone through with it but I wanted Phil to suffer for what he was doing to me. But as I sat there I heard the sound of the boys shoes running down the hall. 9 year Alan 5 year old Jason and 3 year old Willie. Alan knocked on the door and said, "Mama don't cry. Gods going to take care of us. We'll all be alright. One day daddy will stop drinking." I will never forget what he said. Then it was as if a light had gone off in my mind. Thought, " What am I thinking? Ive got three little boys I cant leave them with a drunk." In his condition there was no way Phil could take care of those boys. I started praying to God to bring me peace. Things were not going right and I had three boys to take care of. The next day I started watching LET THE BIBLE SPEAK on TV hosted by Bill Smith. The same preacher Jan brought into the bar. What he was saying were things I needed to hear what and I wanted in my life. He was speaking about obtaining peace and hope so I called the screen number set an appointment. The next day I went to Whites Ferry Road Church. One of the first things Bill asked was, "When you die do you think you'll go to Heaven?" I told him, "I sure do. Let me tell you what Ive been living with." I went into how bad Phil was even though I had been a faithful and loving wife to him. Bill then asked me if I believed I had earned my way to heaven I said that I did. Then he asked me if there was peace or hope in my life. That was my problem. I felt some sort of disconnect because I believed I had earned my way to heaven but there wasn't any peace or hope in my life. Smith shared the gospel with me and I became convinced that my good works couldnt save me. I was a good person but I didn't have Jesus. It wasn't enough. Smith said if I wanted to I could walk out the door with Jesus Christ in my life. I repented and made him the Lord of my life then I was baptized. The best thing Smith said that day was when I got home Phil would be as drunk as usual and still act terrible. But that I would be different because I had Gods spirit living in me. He told me to think about the wonderful life I would have in Heaven when things were bad here on earth. I left his office beginning to develop my own faith as a Christian. I went home and was able to tolerate Phils behavior because I knew God would help me through this. While Phil was drinking and staying out all night I was working at the Howards Brothers Discount Store in West Monroe I again came home late from work one night and again Phil accused me of having an affair. This time he stared at me and said, "You make me sick. Living with you was bad enough before but now youre a holy roller." Then he called me a Bible thumper and goody-two shoes Then he said, " You think youre an angel. I want you to take these three boys and leave." He knew nothing would separate me from my sons. "Are we messing up your bachelor life?", I asked. When he told me yes there was nothing else to do but leave. Our boys began to cry as we left because they loved their father even though he was drunk. The boys and I moved into a low rent apartment and White Ferrys Road Church gave us money for rent and furniture. We stayed away from Phil for three months. We were hiding from him actually. I put everything under my maiden name so he wouldn't be able to find us. One day when I got back to work after having lunch with a girlfriend I saw Phils truck in the parking lot. His head was lying on the steering wheel so I figured he had passed out drunk after driving here. I told a friend to watch by the window and to call the police if Phil was flashing a gun. I didn't want Phil following me into my office and hurting anybody either. I walked up to Phils truck and opened the door. When I saw his face there were big tears streaming down. I had never seen him cry before. He said,"I cant eat I cant sleep I cant do anything. I want my family back." He told me that his drinking and partying days were over. I had heard that before several times but I felt Gods courage inside me and said, " Phil you cant do it yourself. You just cant." Phil told me he needed help and he asked where he could find it. "Theres only one person who can help you," I told him "God?" he asked When I told him yes he answered with "I don't know how to find him." Phil had gone to church and sunday school as a boy but he had been away from God for a long time. I told Phil to be back at my office at 5:30 for did know someone who could help him I called Bill Smith the preacher and told him to be at my apartment at 5:45 "Let me check my calendar." he said Then I said to him, "Whats more important then a lost soul coming back to the Lord? If you have anything else cancel it." "Nothing is more important than a lost soul" ,he said. Smith and his wife met Phil and me at our apartment. The first thing Phil said was, "I don't trust you." Smith said that he could understand why. "Considering those people you've been running around with I wouldn't trust anyone either" ,he stated. "But do you trust this?",he asked holding up his Bible. Phil answered with, "I do trust this book but everything you say Im going to check out. I don't take mans word for anything." While I was in the back room with the boys Phil and Smith studied the Bible for several hours. When they were finished Phil said he was going to check out everything they had discussed and were going to meet again the next day. Phil then moved into our apartment. The next day me and the boys went to the grocery store and when we got home we found a note from Phil telling us to come to Whites Ferry Road Church. When we got there Phil was in the baptistery waiting. Smith had taken Phils repentance and was now going to baptize him. I saw the boys crying. Alan looked up and said, " The devil is gone now." Phil was 28 and our lives were beginning again.
BACK TO PHIL: When I make a decision Im in entirely and theres no second guessing. After I was baptized I went to regular church services three times a week(twice on Sunday). I also studied the Bible with a group or someone five times a week. I went back to teaching and working for the Ouachita Christian School. To get back on my feet spiritually I felt like I needed to spend more time with Christian people. I did it for about two years. Since everything was in Kays maiden name my old friends couldn't find me. After about 3 or 4 months they finally tracked me down, I told them never to come back. This was five years after I got saved and my sinful ways finally stopped. Although I was healing spiritually and my wife and kids trusted me again there still seemed to be something missing. Its funny how things work sometimes. Hunting and fishing had become a training ground for what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Even at my lowest point when I was romping stomping and ripping. I spent as much time as I could doing it. It was in my blood. When I was partying and we would go from the beer joint to the woods or lakes and back. Yet out of all my sinful ways I gained experience for duck hunting and catching fish as well as my dream to build my own duck calls. Even as I sank deeper into that lifestyle and as my values and sense of worth were severely battered there was a core of resilience in me that kept me going.
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